Tuesday morning… less than 72 hours ago.

My morning filled with mundane tasks. I walked dogs, ate breakfast, and made a dent in the household chores. I helped my son (who was home from school that day) with homework. I completed a bit of job-related paperwork.  I then dragged my boy with me to my neurologist, armed with books and Legos.

The results included several abnormalities I have known about for years.  I repeatedly heard the beautiful phrase, “no significant change.”

And yet, there was something…  “New nonenhancing lesion of the right amygdala. “

Translation: (in my mind at least) here it is, a brain tumor.

I walked out with my eyes glazed over, 10 pages of MRI results in hand, and an appointment for more MRI’s and neurology appointments in 6 months.

What did I do next?  I fixed lunch, took my son to his pediatrician and then dropped him off with my husband so I could go to work for a few hours. I picked my son up again later to drive him to karate and to gossip with other moms about school fundraisers and everyone’s plans for summer.

So how do I live day to day with this chronic disorder, and every-impending scary  news? I simply live. I wash dishes, fold laundry, do yardwork, sort garbage from recycling, listen to my favorite music, and watch the evening news. I take my son to birthday parties.  I groan when weather ruins weekend plans. I go to church, read novels by my favorite authors.  I call my parents, visit my grandmother, and meet friends for coffee. Life can be remarkably normal.  And some days it simply is not.  MRI’s and CAT-Scans are nearly as routine as cholesterol and blood pressure checks.  Conversations with friends, family, and complete strangers can include, “by the way, if you see me have motor tics or a seizure, I need you to tell me, because I won’t be aware of it.”  I push through chronic pain, leaning heavily on my husband, family, and friends. I pray with sometimes-shaky faith to a loving and merciful God.  I weigh the advice of medical professionals. I practice yoga and go to bed early. I update my will, insurance, and funeral arrangements. And then I make travel arrangements, plant tomatoes, and purchase green bananas.